Monday, August 23, 2010

On Hiatus.

Today I received some partial news in and off-hand way regarding a funeral. It was not someone within my circle of family and friends directly, but rather, A circle that intersects mine. Third hand if you will.

People pass away every day of course from the expected to the shocking and everything in between. We become inured to it, as we must take turns grieving our own personal losses, else life would be a perpetual mourn without the joy of new life, new beginnings and the heights of closeness that exposes us to the depths of sadness that loss begets.

I leave out details not because of privacy or relevancy or for reasons of discretion it is because I truly have no idea exactly who, or the circumstances. Just a single sentance delivered in passing out of necessity to explain sudden travel plans. Not given to solicit sympathy. The lack of detail was not a slight or intended to exclude. It just was brief bit of trivia about the certainly not trivial.

The person who mentioned leaving to attend the funeral had been for years one of my closest of friends, relatives and confidents.

There has been a falling out to say the least between us. Such things are possible between any two people of course, but despite at times rocky shoals -clumsily navigated- scraped, bruised and caused our relationship to strain, list and take on water. To founder completely seemed a distant possibility, but an unlikely one. The ship always righted itself, the sun came out for brilliant glimpses of splendor. Calm seas to white-caps presented moments of joy like the sting of ice salt spray braces. Life, alive, bitter with the sweet.

Worse than angered arguments, things said meant and not that wound, is the holes in conversation that once would have been natural. To reach out and comfort seems not my place and the whole point of life all at the same time. Their joy was shared joy, their losses my own for so long that to be a cold bystander seems soberingly surreal.

All such losses that glance through our lives are a reminder of our mortality. This lends perspective at times in a meaningful way. For this loss great to them to be a shallow echo in my life seems an alternate reality. Makes one think of other paths not traveled, not chosen. The what if's.

In science fiction there is always an alternate time line where the captain was not phased or the ship avoided a dangerous port of call. That is fiction, this is life. It is reality as we know it now, and it makes me sad.

This is not my period of mourning, but when those I care about so deeply mourn, this all seems pretty trivial, and garish. The vulgar is not of necessity always obscene, but in this case, at this time it would be. Hence the break.

I have enjoyed the writing itself for its creative uplift as much as the being enthralled with the sexual opiates of the events I write about. Even amidst the hackneyed phrasing of borrowed phrases and premises, a ray of me comes through that makes me smile. In oddd ways despite the clearly dangerous waters I tread, it has brought me a feeling, false to be sure of alternate possibilities, and made me treasure somethings about my spouse even as I cast pearls as they say.

This ramble makes no sense I realize without context which would be more jarring than finding out Kirk lives in an alternate universe. It is meant only for me as I clarify my own reality, mortality, and morality.


  1. That was eloquent, esp. the vulgar/garish line. I'm sorry this thing has happened to make you upset and need a break, and I hope you'll feel more your full self soon. I relate very well to the dichotomy you draw, and I wish you well during this pause. Also, I would not have figured you for a Star Trek geek.

  2. Thanks. Bit of an update. What I had most feared was that they had lost a child. There had been a couple of incidents recently. I'm still sorry for their loss of a friend, but am so grateful they didn't have to go through the worst that I had feared. In hindsight I realize that they probably would have said so if something that catastrophic had occurred, but still the distance wounds a bit.

  3. WOW just what I was looking for. Cаme hеrе by sеarching for qué
    Also visit my weblog ... Silk N Sensepil Review

  4. I'll right away snatch your rss as I can't find your
    email ѕubѕcrіption linκ or e-newsletter servіce.
    Do you have any? Ρlеaѕe рermit me understand ѕo that Ι mаy subsсribe.

    Also viѕіt my webpage

  5. Please let me know if you're looking for a author for your site. You have some really great posts and I feel I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I'd really like to write some
    articles for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine.
    Please send me an e-mail if interested. Many thanks!

    Feel free to visit my blog post: next

  6. Hmm iѕ anуone elsе having pгоblеms ωіth the images
    on thіs blog loading? I'm trying to figure out if its a problem on my end or if it's thе blοg.
    Any feеԁ-bacκ would be greatly appreciated.

    Hеre is mу page;

  7. The signals cοnnect with concentrated nerve locations, which іn turn spread the ѕignаl to the cоmplete abdominal region.

    Visit my homepаge :: The flex belt Reviews

  8. Emu Boots sale up to 50%, and in the event you pay for two main couples of uk uggs, many surplus treats is going to be offered. Buy cheap UGG boots visit: When you are looking for purchasing due to the fact, world-wide-web retailers offer them lower prices than those from local sellers. So you can discover that shoes, clothes, even bags for kids has are more exquisite than before.

    Feel free to surf to my blog post

  9. There are various online auction sites that you simply can check out from time to time if you wanted
    to have the best prices on your ugg boots. 5L models with the "Iridescence"
    allowance box, despite well-designed counterfeit bright Jiuzun base, so
    how the cut apparent just appropriate bright reflects "Iridescence" the cradle of
    the neon, to the account of Hennessy cheap ugg
    boots Salon goes on the a great deal of admirable style.
    In addition, when you seem on the labels for the
    manufacturing site, you really should bear in mind how the
    labels which exhibit "Manufactured in China" are authentic,
    and many others are counterfeits.

    Also visit my website ...

  10. Cheap Burberry Handbags These furnishings are a good choice.
    These types of Ugg Boots Clearance might be found in 2 colors from a shop at fine sand as well
    as saying. Delicately wipe it using a damp material,
    will not brush it fiercely that includes a brush, don't melt away the sneakers with boiled water, and use washing detergent and alkaline cleaning fluid to wash it at the same time.

    Review my web blog;

  11. Emu Boots sale around 50%, and in case you pay for 2 couples of uk
    uggs, many surplus treats is going to be offered.
    These varieties of Ugg Boots Clearance may be found in 2 colors from a shop
    at fine sand as well as saying. Delicately wipe
    it by using a damp material, won't brush it fiercely that carries a brush, don't melt away the sneakers with boiled water,
    and don't use washing detergent and alkaline cleaning fluid to wash it on the same time.

    Stop by my webpage; prada

  12. Pretgty sectiߋn off content. I just stumbled upoln үoսr blog aոd inn accession capital tօ assert that I get
    іn fact enjoyed account your blog posts. Anyy ԝay
    I'll bee subscribing to уour augment and even I achievement you accss consistently գuickly.

    Мy web site - buy instagram Likes

  13. Its like you read my mind! You seem to know so much about
    this, like you wrote the book in it or something.
    I think that you can do with a few pics to drive the
    message home a little bit, but instead of that, this is great blog.
    An excellent read. I'll definitely be back.

    Feel free to surf to my website ... GTA 5 Torrent (

  14. Hi there just wanted to give you a quick heads up.
    The text in your post seem to be running off the screen in Ie.
    I'm not sure if this is a format issue or something to do with web browser compatibility
    but I figured I'd post to let you know. The design and style look
    great though! Hope you get the issue solved soon. Kudos

    My blog - Beats By Dre Wireless

  15. Keep in mind, you're in a globe when every thing can get forwarded.
    To be egocentric at this stage can prove harmful.
    The yeast organisms prosper on sugar and your scenario could worsen.

    Have a look at my homepage;

  16. This is a topic that is near to my heart... Best wishes!
    Exactly where are your contact details though?

    My web-site; GHD Sale

  17. I want to to thank you for this good read!! I absolutely loved every bit of it.

    I have you book-marked to look at new things you post…

    Here is my web page ... ghd straightener

  18. url + '" class="adline1_title_link" target="_blank">' +. Through this way, you can preserve those special moments fresh and alive. Scout the wedding ceremony location, whether it can be a church or garden or some other setting and acquire a sense in the lighting and greatest positions for shooting.

  19. I am really glad to read this blog posts which contains lots of valuable
    facts, thanks for providing these kinds of statistics.

    Feel free to surf to my blog post :: steam wallet adder ()

  20. beats lamborghini headphones I have been surfing online more than three hours today, yet
    I never found any interesting article like yours.

    It is pretty worth enough for me. In my view, if all website
    owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the internet will be much more useful than ever

  21. It's wonderful that you are getting ideas from this article
    as well as from our argument made at this place.

    Here is my website :: looking for a job

  22. Hey there! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any issues with hackers?
    My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing
    many months of hard work due to no backup. Do you have any solutions to prevent hackers?

    my site :: hay Day hack

  23. Very shortly this web site will be famous among all blogging and site-building visitors, due
    to it's nice articles

    Also visit my site - free riot Points

  24. Heya i am for the first time here. I came across this board and I find It truly
    useful & it helped me out a lot. I hope to give something back and aid others like you
    helped me.

    Also visit my web page; Judy Neinstein - -

  25. This product comes from the famous French company called Roc and the major ingredient is Retinol.
    Noticeable improvement of skin texture ' no visible pores.

    An anti-aging serum is definitely your best bet
    to fight wrinkles and look younger.

    My web page; best cream

  26. What's up to every one, the contents present at this website are truly amazing for people
    experience, well, keep up the good work

    my website press contacts list

  27. I've been surfing online more than 3 hours today, yet I
    never found any interesting article like yours.
    It's pretty worth enough for me. In my view, if
    all site owners and bloggers made good content as you did,
    the web will be a lot more useful than ever before.

    my weblog; fifa 14 coin generator

  28. Motor Kawasaki telah membuat saya takjub karena mengingat zaman dulu hanya terdapat satu motor dengan tenaga uap sebagai tenaga untuk melajunya :
    honda motor
    jual motor antik
    jual motor bekas
    Jual Motor Honda
    Motor Honda
    Motor Kawasaki
    motor murah

  29. Segeralah berbuat Gejala Penyakit Kencing Nanah kebaikan, TAPI jangan Sipilis Raja Singa tergesa-gesa melihat hasilnya. Lakukan dengan Obat Kutil Kelamin konsisten.

  30. articles for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine.
    Please send me an e-mail if interested. Many thanks!Peluang Bisnis Modal Kecil
    bisnisr kreatif
    ide bisnis

  31. Hi there, juyst become alert to your weblog via Google, and foynd that it’s truly informative. I’m goiing to be careful for brussels.
    please visit : obat keputihan wanita